


Trespassing

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Depressed Katsuki Yuuri, Depression, Grand Prix Final, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sad Katsuki Yuuri, Social Anxiety, Supportive Victor Nikiforov, Triggers, World Figure Skating Championships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:54:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22987456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Yuuri Katsuki is a ball of anxiety, but what nobody knew was that the anxiety brought along something worse...How will Yuuri overcome his insecurities and doubts ?Look into how Yuuri slowly open up to Victor and the rest of the Russian skating family.Trigger warnings, please do not read if anxiety attacks or self harm description triggers you.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri & Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri & Yuri Plisetsky, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont & Katsuki Yuuri
Comments: 2
Kudos: 168





	Trespassing

Yuuri Katsuki had a habit of going to the rink whenever something is wrong, the ice is always there to listen and there would be no judgement between them.

All the past insults from continuous bullying since he was 4 has always gotten into him, they wouldn't shut up in his head, echoing from right to left. Draining every last drop of life out of Yuuri's soul. Yuuri was broken long before he could remember, he always had picked up his broken pieces and carefully assembled them in a perfect facade of joy.

Even if everyone he considered close to him knew that he has anxiety, nobody ever knew how bad it was, nobody knew how his anxiety as brought along something worse such s Depression, not even Phichit knew, but it is okay, afterall Yuuri knew deep inside that nobody really wanted him, they just wanted another person as company, nobody really cared, Victor will leave once he had enough of toying with him, Yuri probaby never cared, Phichit was just bearing with his shit because nobody else would, it is all pity. In reality nobody will bat an eye if Yuuri disappeared one day, they would weep for a while and soon move on, finding better company to replace him, forgetting the frail existence of him.

When was it that Yuuri started feeling this way? It was so long ago that Yuuri can't even recall anymore. It is as if he lived his entire life being controlled by anxiety, grasped so hard that it is difficult to breath, difficult to move onto another day.

Yuuri was alone despite everyone around him that have swore that they would always be here for him, he never let anyone in completely, he never talked to anyone unless they caught him in a panick attack, he felt like nothing was the right choice in life so he chose neither, the less people know about him, the slimmer the chance of himself being completely exposed, nobody would want to stay after knowing how much more of a fucked up he is afterall. He tells himself that he didn't need anyone to know the complete version of Katsuki Yuuri, even if the darkness of being alone in a torturous life has been eating him everyday, even if his chest is so hollow and it hurts so much.

Yuuri didn't know how much longer he can go on like this, it hurts.

He is so tired.

He wished every night that he wouldn't wake up to see a tommorow.

He is so tired.

He just want everything to end.

He is so tired...

-

\--

-

Victor Nikiforov considered himself as a joyful person, he grew up in a loving family and had good friends like Chris, Georgi and perhaps even Yuri?

Victor liked to make everyone around him happy, no it was not a facade, it was just something he simply enjoyed, he loved seeing people he love smile and laugh which is why he is never ashamed of showing his love and affection, he didn't feel like it is something to he embarrassed about, he wanted everyone around him to understood how much he treasured and loved them.

Which is why the first time Victor laid his eyes on Yuuri, he knew that the man was hiding something. His wandering depressed posture was just wrong. Victor assumed it was becaude of his lost in the Grand Prix Final, hopefully not something worse. Victor wanted to reach out to the Japanese man who had landed last in the Grand Prix Finals, comfort him amd hopefully. Before he knew it, he found himself staring at the black haired male as chocolate brown eyes pierced back into him.

Out of reflex he asked whether he wanted a commemorative photo, mentally beating himself over how he had fucked up the moment his words left him, but he was too shocked to even apologise and he stayed silent as he watch the familiar miserable posture slowly turned away.

They met again in the Banquet, but this time Yuuri was drunk, he was energetic but a hint of sadness lingers, Yuuri danced crazily that night, needless to say, Victor was completely seduced by the drunk man before him, the way Yuuri shook his hips while hugging Victor cutely was too adorable for Victor's poor heart.

Before he knew it Victor has been captured by the one and only Yuuri Katsuki.

That is how he found himself getting inspired by Yuuri Katsuki's cover skate of Stammi Vicino, it gave him the flush of excitement that felt new, and Victor knew just what to do after watching the video. He grabbed his luggage and immediately flew to Japan without further notice to anyone about his leave and plans.

-

\--

-

Currently Yuuri was in the airport of St Petersburg. After Grand Prix Final Yuuri took up Victor's invitation to Russia in order to he able to coach Yuuri while training himself. Yuuri can feel his anxiety bubbling up by every second, it feels like everybody in Russia is judging him, looking at him, sneering at his pathetic appearance. It makes him wants to cower down. Yuuri was never good with crowds.

The bullies in Detroit would sometimes stalk Yuuri until they find him alone, they would beat Yuuri up badly, one time Yuuri has two broken ribs and bruises all over, Phichit will always freak out when he sees Yuuri with the injuries, however Yuuri being the kind hearted boy he is, would never mention the names or the face of the bullies. After all it is easier to get hurt himself rather than hurting others right?

The stalking and insecurities created irrational fear among people, even when they are not even bating an eye at Yuuri, he would still feel like everyone was looking at him, insulting his fat body, lame fashion, and the fact he was in another country definitely doesn't help him cope with his anxiety.

At least Victor is here..

As soon as that thought came in Victor told Yuuri that he wanted to get some food for both of them since the airplane food was horrific, Victor told Yuuri to wait and look after the luggage, before Yuuri would muster out a response, the air head had already skipped off into the crowd, slowly disappearing from Yuuri's sight.

At this point Yuuri was trembling with fear, tears threatening the fall as anxiety chokes him cruely, a feeling Yuuri knew so well. Yuuri's breathing quickly paced up, his heart was crazily pounding against his chest in a rapid rhythm, as if it was going to break out any second, negative thoughts spiral over his head, the noises of the airports turned into insults directing to him, he couldn't hear anything else safe for the negative comments that wouldn't stop bugging him. He felt like he suddenly stood out as an ugly pig in the crowd, that he was on stage where everyone is criticizing him. He didn't like it, it was suffocating, he needed to leave but Victor told him to look after the luggage, everything is wrong again, there is no right way to do it again, it is always wrong, it is his fault again if his stupid ass had just spoken up, if he had just been a bit braver,

if only he wasn't this

useless.

Yuuri flinched harshly when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he arm reacted before he could think straightly and he knocked the approaching figure on the ground, familiar blue eyes looked up to Yuuri, unable to make up words Yuuri let out a choked whimper as his panick increased, suffocating him even more.

Victor recognised the situation immediately before noticing Yuuri's quick paced breathing, immediately he recalled to how Yuuko has taught him to help Yuuri through a panic attack, breathing exercises. In the most soothing voice he could make he told Yuuri softy.

"Yuuri, breath in, breath out. It is okay I am here."

Yuuri couldn't hear anything, everything was spinning Victor was telling him something but he couldn't make up what he was saying, all he could here is mocking voices from each coner, his attempt to speak turned into another pathetic cry.

Victor didn't understand why it wasn't working, so he tried again and again but Yuuri's situation has just seem to worsen. Victor really didn't want to attract more attention when Yuuri is already in such a frail state, however it was better than putting Yuuri's health on risk, therefore Victor called Yuuri's name loudly this time, as expected, it attracted the attention of the nearby, however it was able to snapped Yuuri out of it for a bit and Yuuri finally looked up at Victor. Once Yuuri's gaze met Victor, Victor asked comfortingly, remembering how you should never touch people in a panic attack unless they say so.

"Can I hug you?"

It took a minute that seemed like eternity untile Victor saw a hesitant nod on the black haired male's face. Immediately Victor launched himself into Yuuri and hugged him protectively. Yuuri sobbed silently on Victor's shoulder, and Victor didn't mind at all, as long as his Yuuri is safe, he is fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Uh sorry for this edgy and cringy fic, sorry i just like content like this- sorry.Sorry for the short chapter.I hope you liked it?
> 
> Here is some more explaination about the bullying.
> 
> 1\. Yuuri is naturally quiet, even as a kid he was shy, and people felt like he didnt fit in and that he was weird. Therefore bullying started, it started with two people, then they spreaded false rumours, they spreaded quick soon the whole grade knew and almost half of the grade were against him, others purposefully avoided him.
> 
> 2\. Yuuri's school has three section connected, Kindergarten, Elementary and middle and high school, since it was considerably a good school most people stayed from Kindergarten until graduation, which is why the rumours always stayed.
> 
> 3\. The bullies started verbally bullying him, they only physically abused him when he was in middle school, by that time Yuuri has learnt to lie everything away..
> 
> uh the "shy bullying" thing might not mwke sense?
> 
> Sorry, it is just something that happened to me so, i thought it would be fitting- sorry.
> 
> Have a nice day :) thank you for taking your time to read this!


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